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a trophy display of bruises
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| choke my voice say good night as the world falls apart |
[29 Nov 2003|12:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Alkaline Trio - Alkaline Trio - Hell Yes |
] |
the past couple days have been a trip
mindless was quite a different experience
instead of people getting helped up when they stomp u down
it's a different scene, the people we're pretty cool and i had fun
thanksgiving was ok
today went 2 nicks
everything wasnt as bad as i thought it would be
tomorrow got work and then who knows
not to much longer until WINTER BREAK
thank god.
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| the last letter |
[30 Sep 2003|03:46pm] |
this is my last entry
ill tell you why
theres a certain someone out there
who wants to know her son's every move
and is so paranoid she has to read his friends's livejournal
she won't let him grow up at all, and is trying to lock him up for eternity , for no good reason
this guy I'm talking about doesn't do all kinds of drugs and doesn't go out making every girl he knows pregnat, but still is treated like it.
She thinks I'm a bad influence, but doesn't know me at all, or maybe it's because I'm older, but wait, that makes no sense either.
Basicly they need someone to take their frustrations on, and guess who they choose. This is really immature, and unfair to him because he doesn't deserve this. And you wonder why he never wants to be home, it's because you make him feel like shit about everything.
this is just a side note from another:
i dont get it. i dont get why certain parents have to meddle in their kids' lives way more than they should be. parents are meant to be there to support their kids, to protect their kids, but most of all, to let their kids live their life and go through what they're supposed to go through. relationships, friends . . crazy stuff . . all that junk-o. some kids end up with crappy parents, the kind that don't watch over them and the kind that just let them ron amock and do whatever, but in my eyes . . that's not the only type of crappy parent. a crappy parent is someone that doesn't care if their kid is happy. it's someone who has no good reason for judging TEENAGERS and gets in the middle of things that they shouldn't be getting into. it's a parent who doesn't trust her kid enough, it's a parent that has to constantly call, constantly look at people's profiles, even their online journals . . to find out what's going on. what's the need to find out every single thing your kid does? so you can punish them? make them feel horrible? get them in trouble for things that they do even when they're not doing anything wrong?
why is it a big deal that someone hangs out with a person a year older than them? does that mean that one year makes someone a bad person? i know for a fact the majority of moms in this world have a husband who's at least a year older than them ..
and i guarantee that most happy kids don't have parents in all their business, telling them who's good and who's bad
i think if you bring someone into this world you're spozed to protect them to a certain extent, yea . . but you're not supposed to live their lives for them. why did you bother having kids if you're just gonna control their every single move? you're not a teenager anymore . . you're an adult. act like one.
thanks for that
it's the end
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| the story of last night |
[28 Sep 2003|06:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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nofx - drugs are good |
] |
all day didn't do anything
vern called
vern and emma picked me trish and nick up
went out to eat some pizza
went to the motel
iced up the "stuff" girls went on a supply run
eventually meg lisa jeremy aaron derek and other ppl came
cops were everywhere when we dropped nick off
went back to the room i fell asleep for a good while
i woke up with emma spooning me and jeremy puking his lungs out
once he went to sleep it was all good
ended up sleeping with emma and derek on the floor
woke up @ 8am had a fun morning
ate some cheapo fast food chilled told jeremy his story
then the drama started....
derek didnt tell his mom where he was so she was looking for him
she called emma's and vern's
vern's mom called
no one knew where theyre kids were
everyone was freaking out
we packed up i went home with emma
and i end up holding all the liquor
even though the details here are a little vague
overall i had a fun night
today i went to finding nemo with my baby
love that kid
can't believe tomorrows monday already
it all went by to fast
hopefully this week goes by fast
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| don't waste your heart on me |
[20 Sep 2003|11:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
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msi - i hate jimmy page |
] |
ive been thinking
i think the end of the world just might be tomorrow
had an aweful day
not surprising at all, infact i can't believe i wasn't expecting it
i was wondering why I'm here, and the purpose of my exsitance
and i couldn't answer
but really..
who would everyone take their frustations on ?
who would everyone treat like shit when they're down ?
exactly
that's why I'm here
I hope I make you feel better because you feel like shit.
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| my own disaster |
[20 Sep 2003|01:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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msi - bring the pain |
] |
this whole week was shit
nick ran away over here on wednesday
smart move
emmas sister has cancer
and all this drama that i have been trying to aviod
is coming up behind me once again
but...
derek picked me up from work last night
and we were having a good time
something always has to ruin something good
got pulled over for no good reason
derek is going through a lot of shit too
not to mention
britni is going through a lot of drama too
winter is coming early this year
just to make me more miserable
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| thoughts of going to hell |
[15 Sep 2003|05:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
yesterday
took a train to brookfield
met up with emma and her friends robyn and tonya
took a train to chicago, took a cab to wrigleyfield
walked around, went into strange cargo.. super kewl
went to the metro a lot of people sucked
Joe was super kewl
all in all the show was pretty awesome
one man crowd, 7th grade underdog, and the last addition
the band member were all super cool too
had some fun after the wonderful week i had
today...
nothing interesting
its gonna be another long boring week
surprise !
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| i hate my life |
[14 Sep 2003|01:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
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hateful and hopeless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dashboard confessional - bend and not break |
] |
today
went to nicks
he's sick as hell
went to work
kinda sucked
danny came a visited me
jim and liz picked me up
went to blockbuster
on the way home
car got out of control
almost hit a tree
got stuck in a ditch
a lot of cops showed up
an ambulance rolled in
couldnt get a hold of my dad
so i got tied down
to the stretcher
i liked the paramedics
but i hated being strapped down like a mental patient
got to the hospital
had to wait strapped down for atleast 20 minutes
a doctor came saw that i was fine
got let out
waited another half hour
nice cop drove me home
since dad hates me
got home
still freaked out
my whole week was so terrible
and i guess this is the perfect ending to such a tragedy.
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| the day i smashed the world into smitherines.... |
[11 Sep 2003|10:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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blink 182 - voyeur |
] |
my death day
sucked and was alright
all at the same time
molly baked me cookies
vern got me a bunch of cute stuff
trish drew an awesome picture
emma wore a kick ass shirt for me
danika got me a balloon and stuff
meghan got me a card
and everyone and their mom said happy birthday
but the drama kicked in
and its my fault
and i feel cheated
so that was the start of a bad time
it got better
talked to nick
walked with him and emma to her house
chilled
dad was a huge dick to me
didnt take me to my class
got better tho
went out with vrn trish jeremy and emma
rode around crazy style
i love them
came home everything was alright
andy stopped by to say happy birthday
thanks to everyone who was nice to me today
it means a lot
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| kiss me hard because this will be the last time |
[09 Sep 2003|11:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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taking back sunday - timberwolves at new jersey |
] |
everything is getting stressfuul and depressing already
nick is going through to much
he goes through so much for me
i don't care what his family says about me or us
we're never gonna stop seeing each other
i dont understand why they think they're gonna influence him at all
It's making me feel aweful seeing him like this
In addition,
I'm deeply in debt already
I started drivers ed, I have to start missing a lot of work
court was interesting this past monday
my birthday is going to be terrible, but I'm not worried
Vern and Ashley are fighting with Derek and Jeremy
i hate it
Emma is being a jerk off lately
nick is depressed as fuck
drew is being a fucking prick
and my dad is a psycopathic asshole bitch fuck
this just might be a little to much
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| this distance seems terrible |
[04 Sep 2003|10:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dashboard confessional - standard lines |
] |
today
was boring
after school went to geography meeting
made nick go
derek drove him home
chilled @ dereks
drove to rq
picked jeremy up
went to elmhurst
freezing ass cold
but it was fun none the less
tomorrows friday
hope nick can get out of his prison
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| the story of yesterday |
[03 Sep 2003|09:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dashboard confessional - hands down |
] |
after the long day of school emma and myself walked to wendys
derek found us, and we went to the mall
hot topic is gay, but the people that work there rock
went to emmas straightened dereks hair
nick came over derek left, bleached my hair
nick left, anthony came over 2 minutes later
my hair looked like shit
chilled for a bit
around 10:30 went to jewel to get more hair dye
anthony went home, me and emma walked back to her house
bleached her hair, dyed mine....
dyed her hair and at about 1:30 is i started homework
her hair turned out good, mine is fucked up as always
i think it became my trademark
woke up late, both of us looked like coke adicts
thats okay
the day was ok i think
work was ehh
next 2 days off, woo
down with school
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| kiss me like you mean it |
[01 Sep 2003|01:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dashboard confessional - age six racer |
] |
the day was slow and ugly
work was pretty aweful
nick came over
watched donnie darko
he burned me another cd
he's changed
i dont know why or how
and its kinda scary
but i like it
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| the biggest mistake of my life |
[31 Aug 2003|12:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nauseated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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rancid - olympia wa |
] |
went to trishs last night
a lot of ppl were there
nicks mom tracked him down
not allowed to see me anymore
his sister sees him with me the next day at the game
he gets grounded
i leave with britni
go to laurens
have a good time
until
ryan eurdell kissed me
i have never felt so disgusted in myself
i feel raped
this is aweful
ive never missed nick so much
this sucks
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| that's right |
[28 Aug 2003|03:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the vandals - hungry for you |
] |
it has started...
yesterday wasnt that bad i guess
i even like a lot of the people in my classes
emma nikki jordan taylor tom...
i dont see nick that much, same with anthony
my math teacher is the bitch from hell
working today...
off friday and saturday
thank you.
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| Armegedon |
[26 Aug 2003|01:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the used - greener with the scenery |
] |
so it's all over now
the last day of freedom
that's ok
i dont think ive wasted to much time
working to much
but this summer will always be remembered
just because of 2 weeks in heaven
hmm yep that's right back to prison tommorrow
lately been working
went to nicks last night
caused another fight, watched fear and loathing
still don't know whats going on with us
i have to read for english
teachers are screwballs
let's make this year worth the trouble of getting up early in the morning...
you took it back
how could you go and do something like that
my fingernail phase
worst has got the best of you
I ask you and I know I need to change
you took it back
you ripped my heart out of my then you put it back
I'm pulling my hair
I let you just a million times
I love you even though it isn't fair
change
run we go around again in circles
play this game over again
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| it's to late i fell through |
[24 Aug 2003|12:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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blink 182 - M+Ms |
] |
bleugh
nothing special going on
can't even remember the last couple days
all have been a blur
me and vern bought afi and taking back sunday/saves the day tix
something to be excited about
i dont know whats goin on with me an nick
but for now
im cramming for english trying to read those stupid books
bastard
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| i was wasting away |
[19 Aug 2003|12:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the used - poetic tragedy |
] |
nick is nuts
tonight was crazy
i know to much
and it makes me sick
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| Maybe I've Found Something Real |
[17 Aug 2003|10:01pm] |
| [ |
music |
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the used - alone this holiday |
] |
hmm
yeah yesterday hung out with nick
payed for my ticket, that was nice
played on the roof, got in trouble
matt called @ 1
went there, left @ 7:30 am
woke up went to the mall
watched x games
working 11 - 9 tomorrow
thats gonna suck
my dad is an idiot
all i want for my birthday
is my nose peirced
he's trying everything in his power to try and stop me
not gonna happen
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| dumb |
[14 Aug 2003|11:09pm] |
|
i miss drew
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| i think its disgusting believing and trusting |
[13 Aug 2003|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
descendents - hope |
] |
today
went out with verno emma and nick
drove around , went to bubs
sarah kurt works there now
bummer
emma didn't notice i was being a bitch to her
yeah i like nick again
i love verno
im supposedly in her band now
if only i could play
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